PERFECTIONISM: MANAGING PERSONAL DEMANDS
While perfectionism is not a mental illness or inherently negative, it is a personality trait that many people possess. This trait, however, can become harmful if left unchecked, especially in times of social unrest and great uncertainty like today. Perfectionists often fixate on all possible solutions, including the worst outcomes. This tendency highlights not just perfectionism but its connection to anxiety as well. Perfectionists frequently experience anxiety induced by external events, such as seeking validation or facing financial scarcity. Just as often, though, this anxiety is fueled by rigid personal rules and unrealistic self-expectations—internal pressures that can be just as overwhelming as anything happening on the outside.
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In my experience working with individuals who struggle with perfectionism, I’ve noticed some differences in how it can show up across genders. Men may feel pressure to appear all-knowing and in control, while women often seek external validation tied to their accomplishments or sense of identity. For many—regardless of gender—perfectionism can be a way to create a sense of control, often rooted in past experiences that felt uncertain, overwhelming, or even traumatic. While not all perfectionism is harmful, it can become unhealthy when it leads to chronic self-criticism, avoidance, or anxiety—especially when the drive for control begins to interfere with well-being and relationships.
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In my approach, I stress the importance of creating space—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—and incorporating grace into daily life. Creating space involves allowing yourself the mental and emotional room needed to process experiences without immediate judgment or reaction. This means giving yourself the permission to pause, reflect, and breathe, opening the door to greater self-awareness and clarity.
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Grace, on the other hand, refers to the practice of self-kindness and adopting a non-striving attitude. This involves treating yourself with compassion, understanding that perfection is an unattainable ideal, and embracing imperfections as part of the human experience. By practicing these principles, individuals can better manage the pressures of perfectionism, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Benefits of Perfectionism
Despite the potential downsides, perfectionism does have its benefits:
High Standards and Quality Work
Attention to Detail
Persistence and Resilience
Motivation and Goal Achievement
Harms of Perfectionism
While perfectionism can have its advantages, its harmful side can significantly impact mental and emotional well-being. Here are some of the key drawbacks:
1. Chronic Self-Criticism
2. Fear of Failure
3. Anxiety and Burnout
4. Difficulty with Flexibility
5. Impact on Relationships
6. Reduced Self-Worth
7. Inhibited Creativity and Growth
8. All-or-Nothing Thinking
Perfectionism drives ambition but can cause anxiety and unrealistic expectations. We must create space to breathe and reflect, acknowledging both its benefits and drawbacks. Extend grace while accepting mistakes, fostering resilience, and setting healthy boundaries to prevent burnout. The goal isn’t to eliminate perfectionism but to harness its potential while protecting our mental well-being. By allowing self-reflection and grace, we achieve a sustainable approach to excellence, leading to a fulfilling and productive life.
Access the worksheet on managing perfectionism’s personal demands in Mindful Tools, designed to help you navigate the challenges of high standards and self-criticism. This resource provides practical strategies to cultivate self-compassion and achieve balance in your life.
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Rayshaun Johnson, LPC, NCC