PLIGHT OF THE HELPER
A Reflective Offering For Those Who Support Others…
Imagine constantly feeling responsible for the well-being of others, often without pausing to consider your own. If this resonates with you, you might be a helper — someone deeply attuned to others’ needs, yet frequently disconnected from their own. For therapists, this can feel especially true. Your role is built on holding space, offering insight, and supporting others through their pain. But where does your care begin — and where does it get lost?
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Helpers often pour energy into those around them — clients, loved ones, colleagues — to the point of emotional exhaustion. This over-extension isn’t always obvious at first; it can disguise itself as compassion, clinical duty, or professional identity. You may tell yourself you’re fine, that you should be able to carry this, that you’re trained to manage it.
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But over time, the cost becomes clear. Chronic giving without reciprocal nourishment leads to burnout, compassion fatigue, and a quiet erosion of the self. The very qualities that make you good at what you do — empathy, insight, attunement — can become liabilities when they eclipse your own inner world. The desire to serve becomes entangled with the inability to say no, to rest, or even to ask, “What do I need right now?”
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To reclaim balance, we must make an intentional shift — not away from care, but toward sustainable care. That means recognizing that selflessness, while noble in theory, can be harmful in practice when it comes at the expense of your well-being. Instead of abandoning your empathy, direct it inward. Allow yourself to be both healer and human.
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Creating space for yourself isn’t selfish — it’s vital. Boundaries are essential. Not just in setting them with clients or others, but in honoring them internally. One of the most challenging moments for any helper, especially therapists, is resisting the instinct to soothe others after establishing a boundary. That discomfort — witnessing disappointment or frustration — can stir guilt. But it is not your job to manage everyone else’s emotional response to your limits.
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In truth, healthy relationships — therapeutic or personal — are built on mutual respect, not perpetual sacrifice. When you care for yourself, you model what regulated, ethical, and balanced care looks like. You remind others, and yourself, that you are whole, worthy, and human — not just a role or a resource.
The Essential Right for Every Caregiver
So, to the therapist who’s tired, and to all those who help: You deserve rest. You deserve space. And most of all, you deserve to be cared for — by yourself, first.
Rayshaun Johnson, LPC, NCC