The Space Between Being and Doing
One pattern I frequently observe, personally, professionally, and in the therapy room, is how often our relationship with action is shaped by what we are feeling in the moment. Sometimes this appears as procrastination and avoidance. Other times it appears as relentless striving and constant doing. Both can pull us away from what we actually need.
We often assume motivation should come first. If we don't feel ready, inspired, confident, or certain, we wait. And in that waiting, opportunities for growth, healing, and change can quietly pass us by.
This is where I find the concept of Being and Doing particularly helpful.
Psychotherapist and author Yoon Im Kane, in The Mindfulness Workbook for Depression, discusses mindfulness principles such as non-striving and the tendency toward all-or-nothing thinking. These concepts connect closely to what I often observe in myself and in others. We frequently treat growth as an all-or-nothing proposition: either we feel motivated and move forward, or we don't and remain where we are. Likewise, we often approach discomfort as something that must be eliminated before action can occur. Yet mindfulness offers a different possibility. It invites us to be with what is already present rather than waiting for ourselves to become different before we begin.
At the same time, non-striving is often misunderstood. It does not mean giving up on goals, avoiding responsibility, or remaining passive. In my clinical work, I frequently encounter individuals who operate from the opposite end of the spectrum. Many are highly driven, perfectionistic, or have learned through adversity that survival requires constant movement. Their response to discomfort is not avoidance but relentless striving. They stay busy, productive, and active, often with little attention to what their thoughts, emotions, and bodies are communicating.
I often see this reflected in conversations about endurance, particularly with men. Many have learned to view endurance as a measure of strength: keep going, push through, tolerate discomfort, and handle it on your own. While endurance can be a valuable quality, it can become problematic when it occurs without awareness. Enduring without checking in with ourselves can disconnect us from our needs, emotions, limits, and even the reasons we are enduring in the first place. In these moments, Doing overtakes Being.
In this sense, both procrastination and overstriving can become forms of disconnection. One delays action while waiting for the right emotional conditions to arrive. The other forces action while ignoring what is being felt altogether. Mindfulness invites a middle path. Rather than striving to become a different version of ourselves before we act, or pushing ourselves forward at all costs, it encourages us to be with what is already present. From that awareness, we can respond more intentionally to what is actually needed.
When many people think about mindfulness, they think about slowing down, resting, or simply being present. While these are important elements, mindfulness also invites us to examine our relationship with action. Too often, we separate Being and Doing as if they exist in opposition to one another. We prioritize Doing without awareness, or we mistake Being for waiting until we feel better before taking action.
But Being is not the absence of Doing.
Being asks us to remain present with our thoughts, feelings, desires, urges, and physical sensations, even when they are uncomfortable. It asks us to notice doubtful thoughts, hurt feelings, fear, uncertainty, and the aching knees without immediately trying to escape them.
Consider the person who wants to start exercising but keeps postponing it. They tell themselves they'll start when they feel motivated. Weeks pass. The issue isn't a lack of knowledge about what would benefit them. The challenge is being with tiredness, self-doubt, embarrassment, frustration, or fear of failure while still taking a ten-minute walk.
Or consider someone who knows they need to have a difficult conversation with their partner. They care deeply about the relationship, yet they delay the conversation because of anxiety, fear of conflict, or fear of being misunderstood. The desire for connection exists. What is difficult is being with the discomfort while moving toward the conversation anyway.
The opposite can also occur. Someone may push themselves to work longer hours, volunteer for additional responsibilities, or remain constantly productive because slowing down feels unsafe. Another person may devote all of their energy to caring for others while neglecting signs of exhaustion, grief, loneliness, or burnout. In both cases, the doing never stops, but neither does the disconnection.
The same can be true of attending therapy, returning a phone call, setting a boundary, applying for a job, writing a book, or making an overdue doctor's appointment. We often wait for fear, discomfort, uncertainty, or self-doubt to disappear before we act. Others push forward despite mounting distress because stopping long enough to notice their internal experience feels even more uncomfortable. Yet these feelings are often part of the process rather than evidence that we should stop.
Doing, then, becomes less about reacting to what feels good in the moment and more about responding to what is needed. It is choosing actions that align with our well-being, values, and goals, even when motivation is absent. It is loving yourself when it hurts. It is fighting for yourself when it would be easier not to. It is fighting for a loving relationship when it is difficult, mutually of course.
The challenge is that many of us wait to feel different before we act, while others attempt to outrun what they feel through constant action. We tell ourselves we will start when we feel motivated, confident, energized, or ready. Or we convince ourselves that if we stay busy enough, productive enough, or successful enough, discomfort will eventually disappear.
Yet some of the most meaningful growth occurs when we learn to be with discomfort while still moving forward.
To Be is to remain present.
To Do is to act in ways that support your Being.
When Being and Doing work together, mindfulness becomes more than awareness. It becomes a willingness to notice what is happening within us while taking steps toward what matters. Not because we feel like it, and not because we are forcing ourselves to perform, but because it serves our overall health and well-being.
So do the hard thing.
Be with the goodness, the uncertainty, the discomfort, and even the fear. Allow yourself to notice what is happening within, and then respond to what your mind and body may actually need: attention, care, movement, rest, connection, or change.
Just be.
And do the hard thing, not only when you're excited, but especially when you're afraid.
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