Fueling Growth with the Foundations of Self-Compassion

When we face difficult situations—whether personal setbacks, professional challenges, or emotional upheaval—many of us instinctively respond with self-criticism and doubt. This often stems from the belief that being hard on ourselves will drive improvement. However, research shows a more sustainable and transformative path lies in self-compassion.

Self-compassion is not about self-indulgence or avoiding responsibility. It’s a constructive and courageous way to relate to ourselves, grounded in three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self-kindness means treating ourselves with the same care and understanding we would offer a close friend. Rather than harsh self-judgment, we respond to our struggles with patience and encouragement—creating the emotional safety needed for growth.

Common humanity reminds us that imperfection and struggle are part of being human. When we understand that we’re not alone in our pain, it fosters connection and reduces shame.

Mindfulness invites us to observe our experiences with clarity and balance, rather than suppressing or exaggerating them. It helps us stay present and opens space for compassion to arise.

These components help counter three common, harmful patterns:

• Self-judgment, which erodes self-worth and amplifies suffering.

• Isolation, which makes us feel alone in our struggles.

• Over-identification, where we become consumed by painful emotions or thoughts.

Through self-kindness, mindfulness, and the recognition of shared humanity, we build a more resilient and compassionate inner foundation. Self-compassion doesn’t erase life’s challenges—but it changes how we face them, offering growth through patience and understanding rather than pressure or blame.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in this field, developed the Self-Compassion Scale (SCS) to measure how we relate to ourselves during difficult moments—capturing both compassionate and self-critical tendencies.

Take the Self-Compassion Scale to explore how you currently relate to yourself through self-kindness, mindfulness, and common humanity.

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Here are steps to developing your self-compassion practices:

Self-Compassion Break

This practice can be done anytime you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or critical of yourself.

Step 1: Acknowledge the Difficulty (Mindfulness)

Say to yourself:

“This is a moment of suffering.”

(You can also use words like: “This is really hard right now,” or “I’m feeling stressed/sad/angry.”)

This step is about noticing and naming what’s happening without judgment.

Step 2: Recognize You Are Not Alone (Common Humanity)

Say to yourself:

“Suffering is a part of life.”

Or try: “Everyone feels this way sometimes.”

Remind yourself that others struggle too. You are not alone in your pain.

Step 3: Offer Yourself Kindness (Self-Kindness)

Place your hand over your heart, or another comforting gesture, and say:

“May I be kind to myself in this moment.”

Other options:

• “May I give myself the compassion I need.”

• “May I accept myself as I am.”

• “May I be patient with myself.”

You can close your eyes and breathe for a few moments, repeating these phrases slowly.

Rayshaun Johnson, LPC, NCC

Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223–250. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309027